On to whats been in my head and heart since Phil's passing. Before I go into this I want to say that if your one of the people who have the ignorant mindset of "you shouldn't be upset, you didnt know him personally" well you can click the X button on the top right of the screen right now, cause I dont want to hear your heartless comments.
Anyways, no I didnt know Phil personally. But when you watch someone on TV on a weekly basis for 6 years they become like family and like you really do know them. All of Phil's friends, family and fellow fisherman who knew him before the show even started said Phil didnt change a thing, who you saw on the Cornelia Marie was who Phil was 247 on camera or not that was just him. No act, no script, no showing off it was just classic Phil Harris. I remember the night I found out, so vividly, like it was yesterday. It was around 10pm on February 9th and I went on my Twitter and saw some Tweets from the Discovery Channel account and it said something along the lines of we've had to say goodbye to our dear friend Phil Harris. At first my thought was I guess after the stroke the doctor's aren't expecting him to be able to go crabbing anymore. So I go to the actual Discovery Channel website and there it was staring me right in the face Phil Harris passed away, we will miss you Skipper. I just froze, I couldnt move, couldn't speak nothing. I literally stared at the screen for 10 minutes in disbelief, after that I just broke down and started crying my eyes out. I regained my composure and went out in the living room to tell my Dad... that was awkward, he's not one to show his emotions but he could tell I was an emotional mess so he didnt say much. I came back in my room and just cried for hours. Even now 7 months later I still cry at least once a week because he's gone. I never knew how much these guys affected me and how much they impact my life until I lost one. Watching his last episodes in the hospital and seeing how hard it was on his sons Josh and Jake killed me. I cried and just couldn't move, it was the worst thing I've ever been through.
Danny Gokey has a music video for his song "I Will Not Say Goodbye" and in it, there's an older woman who lost her son in the line of police duty and she said "the hole here *touches her heart* will never heal until I see him again." Thats how I feel everyday, like things will never be completely ok until I see him again. I know he's around, sounds crazy but I can feel his presence now and then. Also from the same Danny Gokey song, a girl who lost her mother was talking about her mother passing and the morning after going down stairs to an empty house she said "that morning when I woke up, I just knew, I knew that I was gonna walk down and face my biggest fear....I was devestated, if I'm going through this much pain then their cant be a God." I feel and go through that literally everyday.
I wasn't going to tell everyone, but I dont care now. My newest tattoo, if you look at the colors of the flowers, their the same colors of Phil's boat. Everyone said if you get a tattoo that is just for him you'll regret it blah blah blah. So instead of having to listen to that I did it this way, I know why the flowers are the colors they are for him, to honor the life and memory of Phil Harris. So call me crazy but I felt like I had to do something, I couldn't make it out to Seattle for his public Memorial Service so its the best I could do.
Phil, I miss you, I love you! You are an amazing human being, I refuse to say were cause I know your gone from this world but your still around your family, friends and fans. I know I can speak for every DC fan when I say you will NEVER be forgotten. You created a legacy that cannot be matched, just by fishing the rock pile alone makes you a great. All of you on the show talk about the Crab God, well Skipper you are now the Crab God.
Long, Long Way To Go - Def Leppard
You held my hand and then you slipped away
And I may never see your face again
So tell me how to fill the emptiness inside
Without love, what is life?
And anyone who knew us both can see
We always were the better part of me
I never wanted to be this free
All this pain, does it go away?
Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew
To you, to you
From memory, there is no hiding place
Turn on the TV and I see you there
In every crowd there's always someone with your face
Everywhere, trying not to care
Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew
To you, I wish you everythin'
And all the best that life can bring
I only hope you think of me sometimes, oh
And even though I feel the pain
I know that I will love again
The time will come, oh, and I'll move on
I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way to go, got a long way to go
Before I can say goodbye, before I say goodbye
To all I ever knew, to all I ever knew
I got a long, I got a long, long way to go, long way to go
Before I can say, before I say, goodbye to you
Say goodbye, say goodbye
Oh, I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew
I wish you the best I know, oh and all of the rest, to you
I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
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